compassion & acceptance

Hi everyone,
I have been sitting here in front of the pc with my fingers on the key board attempting my favorite style of typing i.e. pick n choose with one finger, forget qwerty or whatever and waiting for my Cray to process the same at unimaginable speeds so that the same can be sent out to different parts of the world (the Cray that I imagine owning is an old trusty rusty p4 heh! heh!) But, however hard I tried I could not type anything, I was wondering what was happening, this is strange, I asked god why am I not able to do the job you had asked me to do. A small still voice told me, just look back at the last week and check whether everything that you did was what Jesus would have done or is it something else?. So I started listing out the events that happened in the last one week…
Well I realized that what I had done was not what he would have wanted me to do by even a long shot.
I realized that I had been complaining about my job, about how much effort I am putting in, about how my boss seems to ignore this, about how I feel he has not compensated me enough, in the process forgetting that in a time of need, he was there to pull me out and forgetting that there must be a reason for him to behave in that manner.
I was complaining about how colleagues at the work place were taking things for granted, and stepping all over me, but forgetting that they too are human beings having their own problems in life.
How in spite of tithing I still am at times having financial shortage, but at the same time not seeing that at times I am not being 100% faithful with finances( e.g. even though I get paid for the fuel expenses in total, where is my fuel contribution for the personal use? No one has specified this but did I bother to ask for the rule or did I just go with the flow because it is more beneficial?)
I realized how a friend who does not have anyone in the world was in hospital with a stroke and how my response was to just buy a book on how god surprises you, and leave it at that and not spend more time with him or spend time for him in prayer. Why did I not have the compassion to sit with him in his hour of need?
I kept on listing more and more things. Man here Iam trying to live like Jesus did and trying to share it with others but when I look back at just a week, I feel thoroughly ashamed at my lack of compassion. Where is my effort in relating with everyone that I meet, do I try to be in their shoes before passing of a remark about them even if it is only to my wife? I do understand that compassion is not the same as acceptance because that would mean abandoning our values and falling away from god. Do I try to hold on to the very basic foundation of our belief and meet people wherever they are standing in life and try to relate with them and testify so that they will see the attraction of being close to god?. I realized that my lack of compassion was turning away some of the very people I was trying to reach with Christ's message.
In Colossians 4:5, Paul writes, "Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
Am I not trying to be perfect with the way things are to be done and in the process losing out on the compassion side? At times if Iam right I find it difficult to let go and forget that it is better to leave it for god to act upon, so that others will understand the attraction of being a Christian.

Lord please forgive me, my callousness, I want to change this today now and move ahead in life. Hence forth whenever I feel that Iam being trodden upon or feel that life is not being fair with me, I will not complain to others about the situation, I will pray to you and leave it for you to act upon
Amen

Your brother in Christ
suraj jacob....... www.theheavenlyfeast.org